Ngl, I miss the time when online connection and long-form late-night chats that felt like gathering around a cosy campfire. The world felt interconnected but not yet entirely consolidated by algorithms. Access to good books and games was more limited, so things felt like gems when you found them. Finding a rare PDF of a philosophy text felt like a rite of initiation. We didn’t just consume content but excavated it with curiosity and hunger for knowledge. Because things were harder to find, we sat with it longer, and sharing those digital resources felt like surrendering a small part of you, like a secret, to be known by other people. It’s not that I want to romanticise scarcity, but I feel like in a world of generative noise, we miss a lot of intent.

My dear friends and online friends back then, you were so fucking weird; I didn’t feel so alone. We flirted with each other with poetry, recommending books to read and anime to watch, talking about popular science, debating bad philosophy, joke around, and slept with our video call turned on.

Another ngl, I’m also a bit confused by this melancholic nostalgic feeling, because it’s not like it was the bestest time to be alive. I mean, we were all depressed and exhausted by simply existing. But when we say to each other, “We forgive the world because it has you,” it was such a radical grace. For me it was like a shield protecting me from suicide attempts in a world that feels like it’s constantly punishing me; it’s like my existence is not a burden or a mistake.

We didn’t have a cure for existence, so we became each other’s anaesthesia. You were my medicine, my antidepressant. You gave me purpose to stay alive another day so I could hear you say things as if I mattered or to simply hear you generate another stupid and spontaneous pickup line.

Maybe I miss the time when things seemed to be full of possibilities or hope. Maybe I simply miss being understood without having to overexplain myself. Maybe I miss who I was, the version of me that had the energy to be curious and passionate.  Maybe I simply miss who I was when I was with you? Maybe I simply miss you?

The world is different now. We are all different people now, even. The gems are no longer scarce, and my medicine now comes in a bottle. But my soul still remembers the flavour of those years. The wreckage has shifted, and I am finally standing in a clearer light. But I still remember how it felt to be found by you.

I miss the way we understood each other in the dark. Will you reconnect with me? ♡